My life seems so big but still so small. The things I do, places I go, and people I see are very limited in this season. But the work I do within my "Mommy Bubble" is so very big. I know this only lasts for a season so I try very hard to soak it in and enjoy these moments but when the littles are sick, fighting, lacking obedience, or any other number of issues then it's easy to wish ahead to the future where I can hope that I will have at least a little solitude. I often think about James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who preservers under trial for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God promises to those who love Him." This is so easy when life is going good but throw in a few curve balls and this seems nearly impossible. I am not a very good perseverer. I am a good runner. My natural tendency is to run from whatever is causing me discomfort. I can't tell you how many college classes I dropped and ran from because I thought they would push me over my natural comfort level. But I am at a place in my life where I can't run. I have to endure and unfortunately that has meant squinting my way through the trials and hoping they will disappear soon. I can pray "God help me and give me strength" all day long but God and I both know I really mean "please let this problem just go away." My heart is dark in dark times. I do very poorly remaining joyful in adverse circumstances and it doesn't take much to steel away that joy that Christ gives. I want to live in the reality of Christ, not in the hazy, pseudo-reality of this world. But my flesh, despite all the starvation it has been through, is still so darned big and stubborn. I want comfort, ease, happiness. I cling to the promise of Romans 5:3 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." So, when I get interrupted making dinner tonight, and interrupted again, and again, and again, and again, and about 10 more times after that, and someone starts screaming because he fell and bumped his head for the third time today, and someone starts yelling at someone else for taking something they think is theirs and then dinner starts to burn because I am changing two poopie diapers while listening to someone scream from the other room "Caaan youuuuu pleeease wipe my buuuu-uuuuutttt" then I will have to remember to rejoice. Argh. Yea, looks like I am going to need a lot of help from Jesus. So, Jesus, will you please help me find a way to rejoice in my daily life right now? I am really struggling. Amen.
My life seems so big but still so small. The things I do, places I go, and people I see are very limited in this season. But the work I do within my "Mommy Bubble" is so very big. I know this only lasts for a season so I try very hard to soak it in and enjoy these moments but when the littles are sick, fighting, lacking obedience, or any other number of issues then it's easy to wish ahead to the future where I can hope that I will have at least a little solitude. I often think about James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who preservers under trial for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God promises to those who love Him." This is so easy when life is going good but throw in a few curve balls and this seems nearly impossible. I am not a very good perseverer. I am a good runner. My natural tendency is to run from whatever is causing me discomfort. I can't tell you how many college classes I dropped and ran from because I thought they would push me over my natural comfort level. But I am at a place in my life where I can't run. I have to endure and unfortunately that has meant squinting my way through the trials and hoping they will disappear soon. I can pray "God help me and give me strength" all day long but God and I both know I really mean "please let this problem just go away." My heart is dark in dark times. I do very poorly remaining joyful in adverse circumstances and it doesn't take much to steel away that joy that Christ gives. I want to live in the reality of Christ, not in the hazy, pseudo-reality of this world. But my flesh, despite all the starvation it has been through, is still so darned big and stubborn. I want comfort, ease, happiness. I cling to the promise of Romans 5:3 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." So, when I get interrupted making dinner tonight, and interrupted again, and again, and again, and again, and about 10 more times after that, and someone starts screaming because he fell and bumped his head for the third time today, and someone starts yelling at someone else for taking something they think is theirs and then dinner starts to burn because I am changing two poopie diapers while listening to someone scream from the other room "Caaan youuuuu pleeease wipe my buuuu-uuuuutttt" then I will have to remember to rejoice. Argh. Yea, looks like I am going to need a lot of help from Jesus. So, Jesus, will you please help me find a way to rejoice in my daily life right now? I am really struggling. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment